Did that headline grab your attention?
Good. I want your attention. Your full attention.
Your full attention is what makes your gaze, your touch, your kisses sizzling hot.
Your full attention, your presence, is the number one requirement for super hot sex. No ‘methods or techniques’ will matter if you are not present. I’ll explain more about that in a minute.
Now that I’ve got your attention, here are
5 Top Tips for Super Hot Sex
Self-awareness is the on-going journey of getting to know, love and accept yourself. You own your strengths, your ‘light’ and your power. You love and accept your weaknesses and your shadows. Self-awareness helps you to be wiling to be seen, to be vulnerable, to be accountable for your mistakes.
The more you know your true self, the more of your self you have to bring to your intimate experiences. The more of you that’s there, the deeper the experience. There’s more of YOU to have the experience and more for your partner to engage with. Everyone’s a winner!
4. Slow tf down
One night stands and quickies can be fun and fabulous for sure. However, if you’re experiencing any kind of issue or problem, or just want to deepen your experience, then slowing down can really help. I’ve worked with a number of clients recently who’ve jumped to intimacy too early in a new relationship and found that that just doesn’t work for them anymore. Often they’ve done this thinking it’s what was expected of them, rather than feeling into what was true and right for them at the time.
Find the pace that works for you, not what someone else wants or expects. Be true to yourself. Slow down and get to know someone. Build trust and safety. Don’t go at someone else’s speed to impress them and end up hurting yourself.
Slow things down once you’re in the bedroom too. Yes, a quickie can be delicious, but you don’t want your whole sex life to be a quickie. Take time to build up your connection. Breathe together. Get into your bodies together (there’s some great exercises for that in my book, 101 Meditations). Slow down your kissing and your touching. Play with going in slow motion and being utterly present.
Most people don’t realise that there is a whole technology to breath. Yes, your body is brilliant and will breathe without you engaging with it. You also have the ability to take over your breathing consciously. Consciously using your breath helps you get into your body, connect more deeply with your partner, and can even lead to mind-blowing orgasms!
When you learn more about the technology of breath, you learn to use it to move energy around your body, or to your lover’s body, to create full bodied orgasms, to last longer in bed, get stronger erections and much much more.
2. Expand your ideas of sex and sexuality
What is sex to you? Is it a linear experience? A start to finish experience that is penis, penetration and orgasm focused? While there is nothing at all wrong with that, there is also much more to sex and sexuality.
When you start to explore the real magic of sexual energy and what’s possible with it, your ideas and experiences of pleasure, connection and intimacy are vastly expanded and truly, unlimited.
Sadly, we are not taught much about sexuality. We are taught not to get a disease or pregnant. We’re not taught about pleasure and connection. We’re not taught about the vast possibilities available to us when we learn to harness and cultivate our sexual energy.
All of the tips mentioned above are important, but none are as important as presence. Being present means being fully in the moment. It’s when the person, situation or moment at hand has your full attention. You are singularly focused, you bring your full self to whatever you are doing or whoever you are interacting with. You are in your body and utterly engaged with what is right here, right now.
Your presence, in and of itself, is hot, sexy and vibrant. When we talk about someone having stage presence, we mean that we can feel them, we can feel their aliveness, their divine spark, or dynamic nature. When we are fully present or experiencing someone else’s full presence, we are connected to the All-That-Is or Divine Grace or Universe or whatever you want to call it.
That is what we are all truly seeking in intimacy. To re-member ourselves to the the great Oneness. To be connected to that which we really are beyond the limitations of our bodies.
I could, and will, write a book one day about how the disease of shame has cut us all off from the true power of our sexual energy and sexual natures. Learning how to be present, and practicing it every day, will lead you back to your power, and back to your true nature as a wildly ecstatic sexual being. That’s who you really are, and presence will connect you back into that. From there, your connections to others, whether romantic or not, sexual or not, will be changed for the better.
Sex from this connected place of presence is ecstatic, nourishing, healing and powerful and deliciously pleasureable.
How do you get present?
The quickest, easiest way to get present is to take a long, slow, deep breath in through your nose. Slowly fill up your lungs and then gently and slowly exhale. Your breath can only be in the present moment, so when you focus on it, so are you.
Focusing on the sensations in your body is another way to get present. In this moment, what can you feel, hear, taste, smell or see? Follow one sense at a time. Close your eyes to heighten your senses and cut out distraction.
If you want to learn more, my book 101 Meditations for Life, Business and Bedroom Success is all about cultivating presence.
It would also be my absolute pleasure to personally guide you into presence. Email me at firstname.lastname@example.org to find out more.