He was my daughter’s guitar teacher and a lot younger than me. He was also charming, interesting, intelligent, sweet and very sexy. He chatted to me every week while she had her drum lesson and eventually asked if he could come for a massage for his sore neck and shoulders. ‘Sure,’ I said, not having any idea that there was more to it, even though I’d started caring a bit more about what I wore on lesson days.
What makes our relationship great? What makes it work? Why, after eleven years together, do we still feel the pleasure, joy and deliciousness that we felt at the beginning?
We started slow, very slow. ‘We have to build foundations,’ he said, ‘something solid to rest our house of love, intimacy and passion on.’ I had never really done ‘slow’ in relationships before, and let’s face it, none of them had lasted. There were many things we put in place at the beginning which have helped us along the way, and we also work/play at nurturing our relationship every day. What is essential for Sacred Relationship? What is a Sacred Relationship?
I always suspected that deep, nurturing, loving, mutually supportive, healing, nourishing, sexy, exquisite relationships were possible. I just knew that something more deeply intimate than I’d experienced must be possible to create. I also suspected that ‘relationship’ had much more potential that being a vehicle by which two people hurtle themselves together, rather than alone, at old age.
Consciously holding the idea of relationship as ‘sacred’ changes something for me. It ups the stakes, makes it more worth investing my time, energy and emotion in. It helps me to be aware and more committed. In my relationship with Todd, there are key elements that keep it working:
Clear, open, honest communication is vital in any relationship. We are rarely, if ever, taught how to communicate within a relationship. Mostly we tend to get our communication skills from watching our parents and they were never taught these skills either. Don’t expect your partner to read your mind. Speak your truth. Speak from the heart. Be kind.
Owning our stuff
So often problems that occur in a relationship happen because we act or react to a situation based on our experiences of the past. We want to blame someone else, not take responsibility for ourselves, our journeys, our vulnerability. Being clear about what is ‘my stuff’ and what is ‘your stuff’ can sometimes feel edgy but is the only way to be in the present, not in the past.
Patience and compassion
With ourselves and each other. We are individuals, working as a team, to build something beautiful, nourishing and sacred with and for each other. Our relationship is important to us and we treat it that way.
Making time to consciously connect with your partner, no matter how brief on a daily basis. Quantity is important, of course, but quality is even more crucial. How are you showing up for each other?
To be vulnerable, to spend time, to commit to a higher quality of relationship, to listen to each other, to transform, to grow, to try something new if the old no longer serves you, to stand in the furnace, the fires of relationship and let it transform you.
Self-awareness and personal development
We both have a commitment to our own personal growth and fully support the other in theirs. The deeper you know yourself, the deeper the potential of your relationships.
Healthy lashings of
Laughter, fun, flirting, cuddling, talking, listening, holding, being fully present, sexy times, nuzzling, fuzzling (our word for face nuzzles!), being willing to say the hard things, being willing to hear the hard things, trust, love, freedom, expansion – and conveniently similar tastes in Netflix.
Want to explore with me?
I look forward to exploring with you!